The chimp in my head and the spider in my room 5/n

Who doesn't suffer from concentration issues these days? Mine was so bad that I thought I had ADHD and met a psychologist. The chimp in my head just won't stay focused on one thing at a time, and when I try to bring it back, it makes me feel like I am good for nothing because I cannot stay focussed. How do I relax my brain and stay focussed?

Not having my phone on me in itself was unbelievably relaxing during the Vipassana course. If you are running like a headless chicken in your life you should really try switching your phone off for a few days and reflect. Trust me, the world will not end. It's easier said than done, but I have come to realise this truth through experience. The trick is pretty straight forward - if you want to focus, get rid of distractions; and there's nothing more distracting than having a working phone that has internet on it. You will notice that your thoughts will flow continuously and connect with other relevant thoughts seamlessly. The continuity is what we lack because of distractions. 

It had become the habit pattern of my mind to check my phone incessantly. There's nothing happening on the phone, but I am looking at it mindlessly. I am supposed to be thinking about something important and the phone beeps and the flow of thought goes for a toss. Sometimes, even if there's no notification on the phone, I pick the phone up and crave for a notification in the middle of having important thoughts. The only way to get rid of this habit is to get rid of the root cause. In the 10 days that I didn't use my phone, I realised how much I could have achieved or how peaceful I could have been had I not become a slave to this gadget. 

Now, sometimes, I forget my phone and drive to work. This hasn't happened magically because of the 10 day course; it happened because I wanted it that way. I detached from my phone and put my concentration above other things, and now I don't feel like a slave. Please understand this reality - just because someone has your number, it does not mean that you are obligated to answer their phone calls or texts immediately. If you want to stay focussed, be with your thoughts, ignore phone calls and other notifications, get back to people when you are done with your thoughts/tasks. Realise that it is always you against you. The only way to deal with distractions is to start a rebellion against the habits of your chimp.

Not just focus, this also improves your mental health. I quit being active on social media around 2.5 years ago. A dear friend inspired me to do so. Staying away from social media changes a lot of things. I stopped comparing my life with others' lives. Earlier, the comparison was constant, and with comparison came the false notion/feeling that my life was not good enough. Someone has a new phone, a new car, someone is always traveling, someone's always eating amazing food, someone is so much in love and someone is so happy in his/her life always - and what am I doing with mine?... Probably, if we run a social experiment and ask people to post the biggest worries of their lives on social media, we may realise that in comparison, our lives are much better. This false notion that our lives are not good enough is what we will come out of when we get rid of social media. Please, please, please try this at home!

On day one or two, I observed a little spider in my room. I have seen spiders before but this was the first time that I observed one. Doubtless, this happened because there were no other distractions. I was in my bed, facing the wall, thinking how the days here will pass and along came a cutie. She crawls on the wall and walks fearlessly towards me. I say 'heyyyyy cutie' and she stops, as if she heard me, maybe she did and I will never know. But I noticed very clearly that she was looking at me, probably waiting for my next move. I tried touching her with my finger and even before I could get close, she ran and disappeared. I wasn't going to harm her, but she clearly didn't trust me or all humans in general. What a shitty species. I mean us humans.

Reminds me of this beautiful poem:

ALLOWABLES by Nikki Giovanni

I killed a spider
Not a murderous brown recluse
Nor even a black widow
And if the truth were told this
Was only a small
Sort of papery spider
Who should have run
When I picked up the book
But she didn't
And she scared me
And I smashed her

I don't think
I'm allowed

To kill something

Because I am

Frightened