The actual deal - Vipassana! 6/n

Vipassana - the actual deal, is taught on the fourth day. I didn't know this. It came as a pleasant surprise on that very day when I read the notice board. 

During the first three days, you are taught how to observe your breath, how to focus on your nose while breathing, how to observe sensations on your nose, how to further focus on a smaller area under the nostrils and be aware of the sensations in that area. You also learn how to bring your attention back if your mind wanders away like a monkey. On the fourth day, around 4 pm in the evening, you are introduced to the technique that Siddhartha Gautama discovered and practised, to liberate himself from the shackles of human life - to become 'The Buddha'. 

I couldn't wait for 4 pm. They were going to teach us Vipassana, finally. In my head to myself, "Ab to apun bhi Buddha banke hi saans lega." (as if Sid did this for just 10 days and liberated himself, it took him 6 years if I remember correctly)

The technique: On the first three days, when your mind starts getting sharper because of the long hours of meditation - you are able to observe sensations on the small area under your nostrils. The area is sometimes itchy, sometimes cold, sometimes ticklish and other times prickly and so on. Your mind becomes so sharp after a point that you can navigate your mind to any part of your body and observe the specific sensation on that part of the body at that specific time. The technique teaches you to use a uniform flow (head to toe and toe to head), to navigate to every part of your body and feel sensations on all the parts of your body. The technique requires you to just OBSERVE and NOT REACT to any sensations. Just be a WITNESS and NOT CRAVE or BE AVERSE from any sensations. It also requires you to experience and create the wisdom that all these sensations are impermanent - they arise and pass away, pretty much like everything in life. Nothing is permanent, everything is constantly changing, in Pali it is called 'Aniccā' (pronounced 'a-nicch-a', means 'constantly changing') - something that you will hear Goenka ji say in his audios and videos, at least a hundred times during the course. Aniccā - something that the Buddha discovered was the universal truth of life. Impermanence!

But how does not reacting help? If you are feeling itchy, why can't you just scratch and get done with it? The logic says that you are training your brain to not react to sensations. There's a deeper application of this behaviour of 'not reacting'. Apparently, before we react consciously to any situation - good or bad, our subconscious reacts to it first. If someone pisses you off, insults you, or abuses you - even before you have reacted consciously to the situation, your senses act as channels to inform your subconscious by producing sensations on your body. The subconscious then reacts and acts like a trigger for you to react consciously. So, you are essentially not reacting to the situation that you are in, but to the sensations that your senses have picked up and communicated to your subconscious. Your subconscious doesn't understand situations or circumstances. It only understands sensations, and reacts to them. When you learn how to 'not react' to sensations during Vipassana, you are training your brain to not react to sensations in any situation - good or bad. So, what could eventually happen by mastering this practice is that if someone abuses you or wants you to be angry, your senses pick up the cue, converts it into sensations and communicates it to the subconscious, and your subconscious, which is now a trained monkey, doesn't react to the sensations. It just stays a WITNESS to sensations. By not reacting, you are not making the situation worse. You are not getting angry, so you are not making yourself the victim of your own anger or others'. You observe the situation and realise that 'Aniccā' is the truth of life. Everything is impermanent!

The philosophy: When a child is born, s/he doesn't grow into a teen and then into an adult over night; the change happens slowly and happens everyday. Growth happens overtime but happens every moment. Our body is changing every moment. We are not the same person we were a moment ago, because something has changed in us. The change in our body is happening at the level of our cells, tissues and sub-atomic particles. If observed deeply, using the technique, these changes that are otherwise subtle, can be felt in the form of bodily sensations. Some sensations feel good - warm, pulsing, sensual etc; while other sensations aren't what you would love to experience for too long - pain, itch, numbness etc. The requirement is to NOT CRAVE for the good sensations and NOT BE AVERSE from the bad ones - because both are 'Impermanent' (Aniccā). The idea is to stay EQUANIMOUS (in acceptance of the wisdom that all things arise to pass and that nothing is permanent, even your happiness and sorrows). Good sensations represent cravings & happiness, bad sensations represent aversions & hatred. When you don't react to both types of sensations, you are training your brain to stay calm and not react to anything, which in turn will result in being at peace with yourself - regardless of the situation life puts you through. 

The experience: I was seated in the third row when I started the course. But now on the fourth day, I am in the last row - just like I used to love it, during school and college. However, here it wasn't because I wanted to pull off some mischief, but because I couldn't sit cross legged in Padmasana for too long. I have had an injury that got aggravated because of sitting cross legged for long hours during the first three days. I requested my teacher for relief on the third day and he allowed me to use a chair whenever I was uncomfortable sitting in Padmasana. The chair was located in the last row, so I ended up where I always belonged. And because I was so far away from the speakers, I couldn't hear what was being said clearly.

When Goenka ji introduces Vipassana, he says, "start with a small area on the top of the head" and I hear "top of the hip" 😆 so I start the observation from the top of the area above my hip and I am constantly wondering why one would want to start the flow from a random place like the 'top of the hip'. Later, when he said, "now observe the scalp area," I am confused even more. Why would I jump from the area above the hip to the scalp? How is this flow uniform? I soon realise that something wasn't right. I immediately get off my chair and walk to the third row to my assigned cushion on the floor is and set there. Now I get it. Now I hear "top of the head, top of the head!" (What a dumbass, I say to myself and continue the practice) 🤐

The amazing stuff starts to happen soon. I start feeling sensations on my body, wherever I take my focus. The mind is so sharp that I am able to navigate from one part of the body to another, without getting distracted. If and when you do get distracted, which is only natural, the trick is to just be aware that your mind has wandered, smile, and get back to what you were doing from where you left off (this works in everything you do - reading, writing, music, work etc) - just don't judge yourself for wandering. Be aware that your mind has wandered, smile and come back to practice - just works like magic. 

The sensations, as the Buddha said, are all impermanent. At first, I wasn't able to control myself from reacting to pain, itch and tickles. But when I did develop the agency to 'stay a witness', I observed that the sensations just arise and pass. Good sensations or bad - both have the same characteristic of rising and passing away. So, if everything is so impermanent, why crave or be averse, right? That's the whole deal!   

I didn't feel sensations on some parts of my body to be honest. When I asked my teacher about it during the question hour, he helped me develop my wisdom to a higher level. He said, "If you did not feel any sensations on a certain part of your body, why are you agitated? That's YOUR reality. It doesn't have to work like it is working for someone else. Accept your reality, be aware, spend a minute on that part of the body to observe deeply, and move on to the next part. Do not crave, even for sensations. If you do, then you have not understood the practice. The practice requires you to not crave or be averse from any sensations. It requires you to just be a WITNESS and not react!"

Every time I spoke to my teacher, I learnt something new about myself. My teacher Madhusudhan ji is probably in his 70s, but the way he sits during meditation in Adhiṭṭhān (self-determination, no movement) - without moving even a millimetre, and always smiling - will inspire you to go on with the practice, even if you are struggling. I tried my best to stay in Adhiṭṭhān during the course, but it wasn't easy. Failed several times during the course, but developed the skills overtime. 

Fast forward to when I am writing this piece, I can sit in Adhiṭṭhān during practice (without moving) for at least an hour now. If a monkey brain like me can do it, anybody can.

Be happy and understand 'Aniccā'!

Next up: I will go deeper into my claustrophobia and my experience with the 'Pagoda Cells' - small prison like rooms that are assigned to you, on the fifth or sixth day, to meditate in isolation.